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Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby… and Everything Else We Don’t Openly Discuss

Wed, 17 Jun 2026 16:59:36 GMT

It's not the topic, it's the shame around it.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby… and Everything Else We Don’t Openly Discuss

This blog started with something very ordinary — my partner’s birthday.

As birthdays go, there were cards, presents, cake… and of course the usual jokes about birthday sex.

It made me laugh, but it also got me thinking.

Why is sex still such a taboo subject?

And not just sex, but so many things we joke about, hint at or see everywhere in culture… but still don’t feel comfortable talking about openly.

Sex is one of them.

Which is strange when you think about it.

We’ll laugh about it in birthday cards.
We’ll see it on TV, in films, in advertising.
It’s everywhere.

And yet… if you try to have an honest, adult conversation about intimacy, relationships or desire, suddenly everyone becomes very interested in talking about literally anything else, usually the weather.

And then my mind moved on to another topic that sits in the same category.

Money.

Why don’t we talk openly about money either?

We might know what someone had for dinner, where they went on holiday, or who they’re dating… but we rarely know what people earn.

In workplaces, I completely understand there are sensitivities around this — roles, responsibilities, experience levels all vary.

But outside of that, it still feels like something we tiptoe around.

We’ll happily share a bargain we found in Primark, but feel awkward admitting we’ve saved for months for something we really wanted and are proud of.

Almost like we’re meant to downplay our own success.

And as I sat with all of this, I kept coming back to a question I often explore in my work:

Who taught us this?

Because the honest answer is… usually nobody. And everybody at the same time.

Most of us didn’t sit through a lesson called “Things You Should Feel Ashamed Talking About.”

We absorbed it.

From conversations we overheard, from things that weren’t said, from topics that made adults uncomfortable, from subjects that were quickly changed when they came up.

And many of those beliefs were formed long before we had the language or confidence to question them.

So, if money was a source of stress growing up, we may have learned not to talk about it.

If emotions were met with 'stop crying' or 'you’re fine' we may have learned to hide how we feel.

If sex was never discussed, we may have grown up believing it’s not something to talk about openly.

If success was seen as showing off, we may struggle to celebrate our wins.

If asking for help was seen as weakness, we may find it hard to reach out when we need support.

And what’s really interesting is this: most of these beliefs didn’t start with us.

They were passed down.

Often unintentionally. Often with love. Often from people doing their best with what they had.

But that doesn’t mean we have to keep them.

In my work as a therapist and coach, I see this all the time.

People come to me saying they have a confidence issue, an anxiety issue, or a relationship issue.

But as we talk, something else becomes clear.

They’re not really struggling with money, they’re struggling with what they were taught about money.

They’re not struggling with success, they’re struggling with what they believe success says about them.

They’re not struggling with asking for help, they’re struggling with the belief that it means they’ve failed.

And the same is true for so many areas of life: sex, relationships, mental health, menopause, grief, boundaries, loneliness… the list goes on.

Often, it’s not the topic itself that’s the problem.

It’s the shame attached to it. And shame grows in silence. The less we talk about something, the heavier it becomes. The more we avoid it, the more power it holds.

But imagine if that changed.

Imagine if we could talk about money without judgement.
Talk about mental health before crisis point.
Talk about sex, menopause, grief, loneliness without lowering our voices.
Celebrate success without feeling like we’re showing off.

Maybe the most powerful thing we can pass on isn’t more advice.

Maybe it’s permission.

Permission to talk.
Permission to question.
Permission to be honest.
Permission to say “I’m not okay.”
And permission to say “I’m actually really proud of myself.”

Because every time we have one of those conversations, we loosen something that may have been held in place for generations.

And that feels important.

So I’ll leave you with this question:

What was one topic that wasn’t openly discussed in your house growing up and how do you think it’s shaped you today?

Mental Health Awareness Week

Mon, 01 Jun 2026 08:43:51 GMT

Mental Health Awareness Week Has Been and Gone… So What Happens Now?

Mental Health Awareness Week came and went a couple of weeks ago.

For seven days, mental health was everywhere. Workshops, social media posts, wellbeing activities and conversations that perhaps wouldn't normally happen.

And that's a good thing.

The more we talk openly about mental health, the better.

But as the week ended, it left me thinking about something.

Why do we mostly talk about mental health when it's poor?

Why do we wait until someone is burnt out, overwhelmed or struggling before we start the conversation?

Because mental health isn't just about crisis.

We all have mental health, every single day.

Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's poor. Most of the time it's somewhere in between.

I think we also need to stop separating people into "mentally well" and "mentally unwell".

Most of us move between the two throughout our lives.

Mental health is fluid, not fixed.

And good mental health deserves celebrating too.

We celebrate physical health all the time. People share their runs, gym sessions and healthy habits, and we congratulate them.

But we rarely hear someone say, "I'm actually feeling mentally good at the moment."

Yet that's something worth recognising.

Good mental health can look like sleeping better, feeling calmer, having more energy, setting boundaries without guilt or simply getting through a difficult day.

It doesn't happen by accident either.

It often comes from small things done consistently: rest, connection, movement, fresh air, purpose and feeling valued.

Looking back, Mental Health Awareness Week was important.

But perhaps the bigger question is what happens during the other 51 weeks of the year.

How do we create workplaces, schools, communities and relationships that support good mental health before people reach breaking point?

Over the years, working with people and listening to their worries, trauma and struggles, I've learnt something important.

You have to protect your own mental health too.

For me, that might be a cold shower, a dip in the sea or simply taking time to reset.

Not because it fixes everything, but because it helps me reconnect with myself.

Because good mental health isn't about feeling happy all the time.

It's about knowing what helps you come back to yourself when life feels too much.

Mental Health Awareness Week may be over for another year, but our mental health doesn't disappear when the campaign ends.

That's why it's worth talking about all year round.

And if you're looking for ways to prioritise your wellbeing, remember that self-care isn't selfish...it's essential.

Whether that's taking time to rest, getting outdoors, connecting with others or investing in treatments that help you feel more confident and refreshed, looking after yourself matters.

Book a complimentary call to find out more about my services.

Because feeling your best, both mentally and physically, is something worth making time for.

The thief of time

Mon, 11 May 2026 12:22:39 GMT

Procrastination

I should probably be writing a proposal right now.

Or finishing two workshops.
Or replying to emails.

But instead… I’m writing this blog.

Because something shinier popped up on my to-do list and suddenly this felt easier.

And that’s the thing about procrastination, it rarely looks like 'doing nothing'.

It looks like:
• putting the washing out because the sun is shining
• tidying something that didn’t need tidying
• replying to messages
• starting something that feels productive… just not the important thing

Procrastination is something most of us struggle with at some point.

At its core, it often comes from feeling overwhelmed, fear of not doing something perfectly or simply not knowing where to start.

And if I’m honest… today I’m feeling a bit of all of that.

We tell ourselves we work better under pressure. Sometimes we do. But often it just creates unnecessary stress, anxiety and that creeping feeling of 'I should have started this sooner.'

Tomorrow becomes next week.
Next week becomes 'I’ll sort it soon.'

To manage it, I always encourage clients to break things down into small, clear steps because big tasks feel heavy when they’re all sitting in your head at once.

So, I’m practising what I preach.

Highlighter out.
Priorities clearly marked.
Deadlines visible.

And I’ve done something simple that helps more than it should. I’ve physically moved myself away from distractions.

My office is next to the kitchen, so I’ve brought:
• a flask of coffee
• water
• and snacks

So I don’t 'accidentally' end up in the kitchen doing the washing instead of the work.

And here’s your reminder too:

Just because something feels easier or shinier… doesn’t mean it needs doing right now.

Not everything belongs on the list.

And please don’t add things to your to-do list just so you can cross them off...we’ve all done it ��

Be kind to yourself.

Procrastination doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It just means you’re human, overwhelmed or tired. Or all three!

Right… headphones on, feel-good music on and I’m starting the first workshop.

No more shiny distractions ��

I'm bringing NERVOUS back

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 10:05:05 GMT

I'm bringing NERVOUS back.

I've been thinking, maybe it’s time we brought the word nervous back into our vocabulary.

Because nervous is okay.

Nervous is normal.

Nervous means you care.

We don’t need to medicalise every wobble or turn every flutter into a diagnosis. Sometimes, it’s enough to say:

“I’m nervous… and that’s alright.”

Next time those feelings bubble up, ask yourself:

Am I truly anxious, or am I just nervous?

And if it’s more than nerves... if anxiety, stress or low confidence are starting to take over then please know you don’t have to face it alone.

I help people untangle their thoughts, calm their nervous system and rediscover what feeling amazing really means.

Through 1:1 therapy, mindset coaching, and cold water therapy, we work together to help you feel calm, confident and back in control.

Ready to take the next step?

Book a free, friendly discovery call or message me to chat about what you need.

Let’s help you feel amazing again.

Is September the New January?

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 13:21:56 GMT

You know that old saying, “New Year, New Me”? Honestly, I’ve never been a fan. I don’t think we need to wait until January to make a change — we can hit reset at any point of the year.

But there’s something about September. Whether you have children or not, the back-to-school feeling is in the air. Summer winds down, autumn edges in, and suddenly there’s a shift — almost like nature is saying, “right, let’s get back to it.”

When I became self-employed, I noticed how quiet summer could be. Everyone’s away, routines are out of sync, and life feels a little on pause. Then September arrives, and it’s like everything switches back on again. Networking events fill the diary, workshops pick back up, schools are back, the roads are busier — and there’s this buzz of fresh energy.

And the best part? Unlike January, there’s no pressure. We’re not weighed down with resolutions, new gym memberships, or leftover chocolates we’re pretending not to eat. September feels gentler. More intentional. A natural reset button.

This year, instead of piling on more to-dos, I’m focusing on a different kind of list — my Stop Doing List .

My “Stop Doing” List

Stop saying yes when I really mean no.

For me, this is about work–life balance. At the start of the year, I realised I was working more than I was living, so I made changes. But now I’ve tipped the other way. Just because I’m self-employed doesn’t mean “free time” is actually free. I need to be firmer at saying no to friends who assume I’m always available during the day.

Stop overthinking every decision.

Sometimes “good enough” really is good enough. I don’t need to analyse everything to death — action beats perfection every time.

Stop comparing myself to others.

Social media makes this so tempting, but it’s not real life — it’s the best bits. Even when I try to be authentic, I’ll still take three photos and choose the best one! I’m reminding myself that my path is mine alone.

Stop spending time on things that drain me.

Doom-scrolling is my big one. I’ve even put boundaries in place: I use Opal to block Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest between 1–4pm, Monday to Friday. It’s amazing how much headspace it frees up.

Stop putting myself at the bottom of the list.

Your wellbeing fuels everything else. If I keep putting myself last, everything suffers. So this autumn, self-care is staying at the top of my priorities.

✨ And that’s it — my September reset. Not about doing more, but about doing less of what holds me back.

If you’re feeling that September buzz too, maybe it’s time to write your own Stop Doing List. What could you let go of to make space for the things that matter most?

And if you’d like some help with your own reset, this is exactly why I run 1:1 coaching , cold water therapy sessions , business wellbeing workshops , and my Networking Blueprint course . September is the perfect time to refocus — and I’d love to support you in making those changes stick.

Sophie:

Is September the New January?

We’ve all heard the phrase “New Year, New Me” and unsurprisingly, I’ve never been a fan. Why wait until January to make a change when we can hit reset at any point of the year?

That said, there’s something undeniably powerful about September. Whether you have children or not, that back-to-school feeling lingers in the air. Summer winds down, autumn edges in, and suddenly there’s a shift, like nature is nudging us to say, “right, let’s get back to it.”

When I first became self-employed, I noticed how different the seasons felt. Summer is quieter as people are away, routines drift and life feels a little on pause. But once September arrives, everything springs back to life. Networking events fill the diary, workshops restart, the school run is back and there’s this fresh energy that’s hard to ignore.

What I love the most about this is that unlike January, September doesn’t come with pressure. We’re not weighed down with strict resolutions, expensive gym memberships or leftover Christmas chocolates. September feels softer and more intentional. Less about “fixing” ourselves and more about realigning .

This year, I’m taking a slightly different approach. Instead of writing another list of things to achieve, I’ve written a Stop Doing List.

My Stop Doing List

1. Stop saying yes when I really mean no.

This is a big one for me. At the start of the year, I realised I was working more than I was living, so I made some changes. But I’ve since tipped the other way. Just because I’m self-employed doesn’t mean my free time is automatically “free.” I need to be firmer in protecting my time and energy.

2. Stop overthinking every decision.

Sometimes “good enough” really is good enough. I don’t need to analyse everything to death - action beats perfection every time.

3. Stop comparing myself to others.

Social media makes this one tricky. It’s so easy to compare yourself to highlight reels. Even when I try to be authentic, I still take three photos and pick the best one! I’m reminding myself that my journey is mine alone.

4. Stop spending time on things that drain me.

For me, doom-scrolling is the worst offender. To tackle it, I’ve put boundaries in place. I use Opal to block distracting apps like Instagram and TikTok during the day. The extra headspace it creates is incredible.

5. Stop putting myself at the bottom of the list.

This one’s non-negotiable. Your wellbeing fuels everything else. If I keep putting myself last, everything else suffers. So this autumn, self-care is staying at the top of my priorities.

So, that’s my September reset. Not about doing more, but about doing less of the things that hold me back.

If you’re feeling that September buzz too, maybe it’s time to write your own Stop Doing List. What could you let go of to make space for the things that matter most?

And if you’d like some help with your own reset, this is exactly why I run 1:1 coaching, cold water therapy sessions, business wellbeing workshops and my Networking Blueprint course. September is the perfect time to refocus and I’d love to support you in making those changes stick.

Love Ruth x

Summer Survival Guide: Coping Strategies for the 6-Week Holidays

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 12:43:34 GMT

Whether you’re juggling childcare or just feeling the shift in pace, the school holidays can throw everything off. Between unpredictable weather, broken routines and the pressure to “make it special,” it’s easy to feel frazzled.

Here’s a real-life guide, from one human to another, to help you stay calm, grounded and maybe even enjoy a bit of it!

1. Make a Flexible Summer List (Kids or Not)

One of the best things I did when my two were younger was make a simple summer list. We split it into:

Free outdoor fun : beach walks, picnics, park games, nature trails.

Free indoor fun : crafts, movie marathons, board games, baking, screen time (let’s be honest – the messy fun lives here).

Low-cost stuff : soft play, swimming, even raising butterflies from caterpillars one year!

Big treats (within budget) : a cinema trip, a day at Flamingo Land, and yes, they loved a day at the Metro Centre.

We stuck it on the fridge, not as a to-do list, just ideas for those “what do we do now?” moments. We never ticked it all off. In fact, we kept adding to it. It became a tradition.

Now that mine are older, I still make a list: wild swims I want to do, places to visit, walks to try… and yes, the Metro Centre still feature s!

2. Working From Home... When the Kids Think You’re Off

Working from home can get extra stressful when your kids see you at your laptop and assume you’re free to hang out. Try:

Gentle boundaries : “I’m working until 11, then we’ll play Uno.” Timers or visual charts help.

Quiet-time baskets : Sticker books, audiobooks, puzzles — anything they can do without you.

Play to your strengths : Can you shift your work earlier or later in the day to fit your energy?

Drop the guilt : Toast for lunch? Extra screens? That’s OK. It’s survival, not perfection.

3. Going Away With Kids? Don’t Expect a Holiday

Family holidays are a mix of magic and mayhem. Keep your sanity by:

Lowering expectations: Forget the perfect Insta moments.

Planning one main thing a day, not ten.

Packing boredom busters: mini toys, card games, sticker books.

Tag-teaming if you’re with a partner: one takes the kids, one gets a breather.

4. It’s OK to Do... Absolutely Nothing

f the weather’s rubbish or everyone’s wiped out, that’s fine.

Make a film nest with blankets and snacks.

Bake something.

Just be. You’re still making memories, even on the “nothing” days.

5. No Kids? It Still Affects You

Maybe you don’t have kids, or like me, your teenagers are too cool to be seen with you (unless you’re paying).

Summer can still throw you off, work cover, event overload or just feeling out of sync.

Try this:

Make space for your own fun, summer joy isn’t just for families.

Use the lighter nights to reset, walks, journaling, reading outside.

Try something new: a cold dip (hello, cold water therapy!), a vision board workshop, or a new creative outlet.

Protect your peace, boundaries are for everyone.

6. NEW: Free Guided Meditation – Just for You

When your head’s all over the place, sometimes the best thing you can do is pause and breathe.

I’ve recorded a short guided meditation to help you reset. Just a few minutes of calm to get you through the day (or help you drift off at night).

Want it? Just sign up for my wellbeing newsletter here: https://tinyurl.com/The-FEEL-AMAZING-Therapist

You’ll get:

✅ A downloadable/streamable meditation

✅ A calm voice (mine!) to guide you

✅ Occasional gentle emails full of tips, events & feel-amazing vibes

Final Thought

You don’t need a perfect plan. Or perfect weather. Or perfect anything.

You just need:

✨ A few quiet minutes

✨ A bit of fun

✨ A reminder that you’re doing your best

And if you forget that?

I’ll remind you:
You are amazing.

With calm, care & cold water,

Ruth x

The Feel AMAZING Therapist

COLD WATER THERAPY

Tue, 13 Aug 2024 09:40:33 GMT

Hello! Truthfully, I’m not too sure where to start since this is my first ‘proper’ blog post, but someone I know suggested that I start writing to document my cold-water therapy workshops journey as this is something I’m creating at the moment. To be totally authentic, English and word-finding aren’t a strong point of mine, so I will be using a little bit of magic to help me out with some parts.

First a little bit about me, my name is Ruth Smith, and I am ‘The Feel Amazing Therapist’ a life coach and therapist based in Marske, my passion is changing people’s lives and ensuring they feel amazing by clearing the s**t from the past and providing tools to move forward. Although I do have a counselling qualification, I am very different from a counsellor, a client will never leave my office in a state of upset, they leave knowing they are amazing with tasks to do to help achieve their goal.

I do, however, offer so much more than life coaching and therapy! Whilst I do offer one-to-one sessions focused on personal growth and overcoming challenges, I offer a holistic approach which makes my services so unique. I incorporate a bunch of different workshops that explore everything from cultivating positivity to the art of manifesting your own dreams. And now, I’m excited to start something that has profoundly impacted my own life, cold water therapy.

I haven’t mentioned that I have Multiple Sclerosis, and I've experienced first-hand the benefits of cold-water immersion, whether it's sea swimming, cold water plunges, or cascading into a waterfall, the cold water has become a vital part of my wellness routine. It helps with both my pain and mental health. There is nothing better when you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed to physically feel the emotions disappear into the cold water. It’s more than just a physical practice though it's a way to reconnect with nature, push personal boundaries, and find strength you never knew you had.

When I talk to people about my passion for cold water swimming, there is always a mix of curiosity and fear. Everyone is intrigued by the idea but hesitant about the cold, the sea, or even the thought of stepping into swimwear. This is why I’m launching workshops on cold water therapy, I will help clients every step of the way, from giving them the confidence to go in, to talking them through the breathing exercises needed before and during a dip.

Cold water therapy isn’t just about ‘taking a dip’ - it’s about stepping out of your comfort zone and into a world of new possibilities and a fresh mindset to go along with it. Whether you’re battling a chronic condition like MS, or simply looking for a way to challenge yourself, I can’t even begin to describe the mental and physical benefits that I’ve already seen in my own practices.

So here I am, a girl (I use the term loosely… I am 51) with a cold water tub, a sauna/steam tent, an overgrown garden, and an idea!