Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby… and Everything Else We Don’t Openly Discuss

This blog started with something very ordinary — my partner’s birthday.

As birthdays go, there were cards, presents, cake… and of course the usual jokes about birthday sex.

It made me laugh, but it also got me thinking.

Why is sex still such a taboo subject?

And not just sex, but so many things we joke about, hint at or see everywhere in culture… but still don’t feel comfortable talking about openly.

Sex is one of them.

Which is strange when you think about it.

We’ll laugh about it in birthday cards.
We’ll see it on TV, in films, in advertising.
It’s everywhere.

And yet… if you try to have an honest, adult conversation about intimacy, relationships or desire, suddenly everyone becomes very interested in talking about literally anything else, usually the weather.

And then my mind moved on to another topic that sits in the same category.

Money.

Why don’t we talk openly about money either?

We might know what someone had for dinner, where they went on holiday, or who they’re dating… but we rarely know what people earn.

In workplaces, I completely understand there are sensitivities around this — roles, responsibilities, experience levels all vary.

But outside of that, it still feels like something we tiptoe around.

We’ll happily share a bargain we found in Primark, but feel awkward admitting we’ve saved for months for something we really wanted and are proud of.

Almost like we’re meant to downplay our own success.

And as I sat with all of this, I kept coming back to a question I often explore in my work:

Who taught us this?

Because the honest answer is… usually nobody. And everybody at the same time.

Most of us didn’t sit through a lesson called “Things You Should Feel Ashamed Talking About.”

We absorbed it.

From conversations we overheard, from things that weren’t said, from topics that made adults uncomfortable, from subjects that were quickly changed when they came up.

And many of those beliefs were formed long before we had the language or confidence to question them.

So, if money was a source of stress growing up, we may have learned not to talk about it.

If emotions were met with 'stop crying' or 'you’re fine' we may have learned to hide how we feel.

If sex was never discussed, we may have grown up believing it’s not something to talk about openly.

If success was seen as showing off, we may struggle to celebrate our wins.

If asking for help was seen as weakness, we may find it hard to reach out when we need support.

And what’s really interesting is this: most of these beliefs didn’t start with us.

They were passed down.

Often unintentionally. Often with love. Often from people doing their best with what they had.

But that doesn’t mean we have to keep them.

In my work as a therapist and coach, I see this all the time.

People come to me saying they have a confidence issue, an anxiety issue, or a relationship issue.

But as we talk, something else becomes clear.

They’re not really struggling with money, they’re struggling with what they were taught about money.

They’re not struggling with success, they’re struggling with what they believe success says about them.

They’re not struggling with asking for help, they’re struggling with the belief that it means they’ve failed.

And the same is true for so many areas of life: sex, relationships, mental health, menopause, grief, boundaries, loneliness… the list goes on.

Often, it’s not the topic itself that’s the problem.

It’s the shame attached to it. And shame grows in silence. The less we talk about something, the heavier it becomes. The more we avoid it, the more power it holds.

But imagine if that changed.

Imagine if we could talk about money without judgement.
Talk about mental health before crisis point.
Talk about sex, menopause, grief, loneliness without lowering our voices.
Celebrate success without feeling like we’re showing off.

Maybe the most powerful thing we can pass on isn’t more advice.

Maybe it’s permission.

Permission to talk.
Permission to question.
Permission to be honest.
Permission to say “I’m not okay.”
And permission to say “I’m actually really proud of myself.”

Because every time we have one of those conversations, we loosen something that may have been held in place for generations.

And that feels important.

So I’ll leave you with this question:

What was one topic that wasn’t openly discussed in your house growing up and how do you think it’s shaped you today?